Pittsburgh, 1997. A 134-year-old vampire stuck in her forever 9-year-old little girl body is squatting in a basement apartment she stole from a local pedophile who made the mistake of trying to take her home. This is Elsie Baker, and she's sick and tired of stupid adults treating her like a lost little kid. To get out of the house without being hassled, she hires a babysitter to be her chaperone. Enter Brenda Zielinski, a suicidal teenager searching for some quick cash so she can end things in style: buy a one-way ticket to Scotland to jump off a cliff. Despite the generous payday, it turns out that babysitting a vampire might be more trouble than it's worth.